the hiatus - a retreat from personal revelation and public communication

I'm not a writer, and I don't assume to think that I actually have any kind of audience for this blog, however for the last 9 months or so I've been motivated to retreat from putting anything on the web that would provide someone, anyone, with any insight into my person.  As I begin to transition from working in the corporate world, finishing grad school, and embarking on a career in the information science field, I have almost developed a hyper fear of leaving any kind of possibly uncontrolled or casual (i.e. non-professional) personal information out on the interwebs.  It's a slightly bazaar and negative side effect of modern society's extreme interconnectedness, and this last year I have definitely fallen victim.  And I'll tell you exactly what it is that sparked this fear - and it has nothing to do with any of the events or issues involving Snowden, Assange, or the NSA, though these would have been rather valid motivators.  It also was not caused by the trend of unplugging, disconnecting, and primitizing, though the motivation for these trends are caused by similar sentiments.

Last June - 09/11/13 to be exact because my Twitter feed says so - I had already deactivated my Facebook and was having the urge to step away from everybody, everything (as I think is the natural reaction of almost everybody in my generation, that is a generation that grew up with a relatively internet-free adolescence + an internet-bombasted young adult life) when I read a tweet from Joyce Carol Oates that at the time felt very true and genuine to what I was feeling:

  "Because of our hyper-verbal, hyper-connected society we have come to think --erroneously--that our opinions, our merest thoughts, matter.."

And I heeded its advice.  Because this statement is true.  and generally correct.  People (many many people at least) think --erroneously-- that their gourmet food photos matter, that having 20,000 followers means something for their self worth, that just because you have a Facebook account you should tell people how you feel, impress them with your witty social commentary, and let everybody know what you really think about Miley's Cyrus's behavior, because your opinion is so against the grain.  What Oates was indicating was that just because you have an outlet that allows you to easily communicate to others doesn't instantly mean that you should use it.  ... Right?

Well, I thought so (and I mostly still do).  And so I decided not to contribute to a personal blog that I felt might be too expressive, because nobody reads this anyways, and just because I have a blog doesn't mean that my opinions need to be documented.  However what I found was that I couldn't do it exactly.  I found other ways of expression, other means of communication, other outlets for presenting my ideas.  And these other means weren't always suited for what it was that I was trying to convey.  Sometimes you need to post a funny observation on your Facebook that your friends in Maine would understand, and sometimes you need to promote an event on your Instagram, and then sometimes you need to just sit down and write out what is that you really mean.  or at least I do.

I was already thinking about using the blog again, allowing myself to write to the public abyss again, personal revelations and all, when I read something else that sparked me to actually do it.  It was the voice of Audre Lorde and her many words on the downfalls of silence and the fears that surround it:

“Your silence will not protect you.” — “The Transformation of Silence Into Language and Action”

“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”

“As we learn to bear the intimacy of scrutiny, and to flourish within it, as we learn to use the products of that scrutiny for power within our living, those fears which rule our lives and form our silences begin to lose their control over us.” — “Poetry Is Not a Luxury,” Sister Outsider

"The Fact that we are here and that I speak these words is an attempt to break that silence and bridge some of those differences between us, for it is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken."- “The Transformation of Silence Into Language and Action

Both ideas are from respectable perspectives, and intelligent people, and each has its own, independent value.  Joyce Carol Oates' sentiments do not cancel out Audre Lorde's calls for speaking out, nor vice versa. And while my thoughts might not be revolutionary, or valuable by any means, and they may not need to be heard by anyone at all, but to silence them simply out of recognition of this insignificance or fear of revelation also may not be the best answer, even in this hyper-connected, overly accessible world.  And thus I am back here.  Because time is a flat circle after all, just ask Rust Cohle :)  (yep had to throw that in there, sorry)

today i'm reading Rainer Maria Rilke

I am so afraid of people's words.
They describe so distinctly everything:
And this they call dog and that they call house,
here the start and there the end.
I worry about their mockery with words,
they know everything, what will be, what was;
no mountain is still miraculous;
and their house and yard lead right up to God.
I want to warn and object: Let the things be!
I enjoy listening to the sound they are making.
But you always touch: and they hush and stand still.
That's how you kill.

• Translated by Annemarie S. Kidder

“Books are, let’s face it, better than everything else. If we played cultural Fantasy Boxing League, and made books go 15 rounds in the ring against the best that any other art form had to offer, then books would win pretty much every time. Go on, try it. The Magic Flute v. Middlemarch? Middlemarch in six. The Last Supper v. Crime and Punishment? Fyodor on point And every now and again you’d get a shock, because that happens in sport, so Back to the Future III might land a lucky punch on Rabbit, Run; but I’m still backing literature 29 times out of 30.” - Nick Hornby

today i'm reading something that, while rural in context, is found applicable to contemporary settings

"That's the way it takes men; life's work over, rural ennui stretching ahead:  a procession of days, Sunday to Sunday, all without shape. ... It's like perpetual November, a life in the dark."
 - Hilary Mantel, "Bringing Up The Bodies" 

"If you want corn, plant corn" - Manuel Knight

At the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, many Americans had little sympathy for people with AIDS. The feeling was that somehow people from certain groups 'deserved' their illness. Let us put those feelings behind us. We are fighting a disease, not people ...The country must face this epidemic as a unified society. We must prevent the spread of AIDS while at the same time preserving our humanity and intimacy." - Dr. C. Everett Koop

This is a particularly eventful week in the fight against AIDS - the conversation about a cure has returned to the forefront.  As doctors declare a child born HIV positive to be "functionally cured", that is able to live independent of treatment, I have heard more chatter about the possibility of ending the epidemic than I have since I was a child.  For however long this will last, days or weeks I'm not sure,  I'm just glad this talk has returned so that the complacency and acceptance I have witnessed over the years hopefully doesn't perpetuate, and the epidemic will see an end in my lifetime. 

I also am glad to have been introduced to the public figure that is Dr. C. Everett Koop.  While it was his passing on Feb 25th 2013 that made his name known to me, I will claim my ignorance of the most recognizable Surgeon General in the history of the U.S..  Living in a time where being a religious individual and a conservative is too often so backwards, it is nice to read about a man who was deeply religious, but at the same time understood the true meaning of human good and public service, and how this is the paramount concern.  It is a little sad that I still find his story of standing up against ridiculous conservative stances to be so relevant, but in a year where such things as the legitimacy of rape has been questioned, I do.  So today, I'm respecting the legacy of Dr. C. Everett Koop, a true public servant and an advocate for all. 

(this video from the 80's is pretty telling as well)

today i'm voting for archive stories

As someone who is adopted, genealogy has never interested me.  Frankly, I've just never really understood the strong heritage identifications most Americans seem to have (and flaunt).  Which is why I will probably never end up using my MLIS to be an archivist.  However, I do love history.  I love old things - old people, old buildings, old shoes, etc.  There's just a sense of strength about things that stand the test of time, and something remarkable about the stories they then carry them. Which is also why I will probably not remain living in America -  I need ancient items around me.

But I digress - today I read the top 3 entries for the Ohio Historical Society's "Found it in the Archives" contest.  The contest occurs every year, and always provides some interesting journeys of Ohioans who have woven together stories of past - all because of the preservation efforts of the OHS and its archives.  It is a good example of why preservationists are important.  

And this is the story I voted for, about a vanished Toledo firefighter :  I Found it in the Archives: Doug Tracy

today i'm finally giving the new year some attention, i guess

so while the intentions are good, new year's resolutions are lame.  resolutions in general, however are not.  

and if the turning of a clock, and the subsequent anticlimax that undoubtedly follows incites people to do better with themselves and their lives, then that is good in its own sense.  however if one can't see the need for this kind of action or movement in any other time of the year, and one must sheepishly follow the standards of time and gimmick, standards that were created by humans of course, then this is what's "lame".   and it's this, this lack of genuine and very personal motivation, that often leads these resolutions to remain unpacked suitcases sitting in the corner of the room.   

so today i'm finally giving the new year some attention.  i will say my new year's wasn't the greatest, and it is almost never is, but it did cause for a lot of personal reflection.  and i guess recently i have come up with some sort of resolution, a motto of the year if you will.  i mean the standards of time are good for many things, such as goal settings, and there are goals that i have laid before myself this year. and therefore some year motivation, some motto is worthy of noting.  it was a voice of simplicity that came through and i honestly feel will be continually referenced, and it came from mother teresa. 

i'm sure everybody, at least anybody with an internet connection and a social networking account or feed of some sort, has swam through the muddy sea of inspirational quotes and images.  like anything in excess, they lose their "inspirational" value in this way, but i also find that none of them offer many solutions or answers on how.  they just tell.  tell you to feel inspired, to go somewhere, to stop crying, to see things this way.  and yes so does this quote.  but for me this was the one and only one that made sense, at least for me - me in this year.  so let's be a bit trite 2013:   i'm going to do it anyway. 

today i'm catching up on tomorrow's questions

I began subscribing to C-PET's updates a few semesters ago when I was taking my first IAKM course on Futures Research, taught by Michael Nelson.  I always look forward to updates from Nigel Cameron, and now that I've had some time to catch up on most of my RSS and e-mails, I've had some time to catch up on some sage insights, which is something I thoroughly enjoy.  So today I'm reading Nigel Cameron's commentary, learning more about the tragic loss of Aaron Swartz and his extreme but heroic fight for open access, and re-listening to Ray Kurzweil speak about his studies on the neocortex and how technology really is an extension of human intelligence.

And I think it's fitting to include a quote of Nigel Cameron's 2013 things to watch.
   "It's a comment on our complacency that there is not enormous alarm across the political and social spectrum at the advances being made by artificial intelligence and robotics in the workplace"