I'm not a writer, and I don't assume to think that I actually have any kind of audience for this blog, however for the last 9 months or so I've been motivated to retreat from putting anything on the web that would provide someone, anyone, with any insight into my person. As I begin to transition from working in the corporate world, finishing grad school, and embarking on a career in the information science field, I have almost developed a hyper fear of leaving any kind of possibly uncontrolled or casual (i.e. non-professional) personal information out on the interwebs. It's a slightly bazaar and negative side effect of modern society's extreme interconnectedness, and this last year I have definitely fallen victim. And I'll tell you exactly what it is that sparked this fear - and it has nothing to do with any of the events or issues involving Snowden, Assange, or the NSA, though these would have been rather valid motivators. It also was not caused by the trend of unplugging, disconnecting, and primitizing, though the motivation for these trends are caused by similar sentiments.
Last June - 09/11/13 to be exact because my Twitter feed says so - I had already deactivated my Facebook and was having the urge to step away from everybody, everything (as I think is the natural reaction of almost everybody in my generation, that is a generation that grew up with a relatively internet-free adolescence + an internet-bombasted young adult life) when I read a tweet from Joyce Carol Oates that at the time felt very true and genuine to what I was feeling:
"Because of our hyper-verbal, hyper-connected society we have come to think --erroneously--that our opinions, our merest thoughts, matter.."
And I heeded its advice. Because this statement is true. and generally correct. People (many many people at least) think --erroneously-- that their gourmet food photos matter, that having 20,000 followers means something for their self worth, that just because you have a Facebook account you should tell people how you feel, impress them with your witty social commentary, and let everybody know what you really think about Miley's Cyrus's behavior, because your opinion is so against the grain. What Oates was indicating was that just because you have an outlet that allows you to easily communicate to others doesn't instantly mean that you should use it. ... Right?
Well, I thought so (and I mostly still do). And so I decided not to contribute to a personal blog that I felt might be too expressive, because nobody reads this anyways, and just because I have a blog doesn't mean that my opinions need to be documented. However what I found was that I couldn't do it exactly. I found other ways of expression, other means of communication, other outlets for presenting my ideas. And these other means weren't always suited for what it was that I was trying to convey. Sometimes you need to post a funny observation on your Facebook that your friends in Maine would understand, and sometimes you need to promote an event on your Instagram, and then sometimes you need to just sit down and write out what is that you really mean. or at least I do.
I was already thinking about using the blog again, allowing myself to write to the public abyss again, personal revelations and all, when I read something else that sparked me to actually do it. It was the voice of Audre Lorde and her many words on the downfalls of silence and the fears that surround it:
“Your silence will not protect you.” — “The Transformation of Silence Into Language and Action”
“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”
“As we learn to bear the intimacy of scrutiny, and to flourish within it, as we learn to use the products of that scrutiny for power within our living, those fears which rule our lives and form our silences begin to lose their control over us.” — “Poetry Is Not a Luxury,” Sister Outsider
"The Fact that we are here and that I speak these words is an attempt to break that silence and bridge some of those differences between us, for it is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken."- “The Transformation of Silence Into Language and Action
Both ideas are from respectable perspectives, and intelligent people, and each has its own, independent value. Joyce Carol Oates' sentiments do not cancel out Audre Lorde's calls for speaking out, nor vice versa. And while my thoughts might not be revolutionary, or valuable by any means, and they may not need to be heard by anyone at all, but to silence them simply out of recognition of this insignificance or fear of revelation also may not be the best answer, even in this hyper-connected, overly accessible world. And thus I am back here. Because time is a flat circle after all, just ask Rust Cohle :) (yep had to throw that in there, sorry)
